Holy expletive batman!!!!

I'm super angry so I have to let it all out... the names and places have been changed to protect those in the story... It all started with the weekend. Friday night some friends and I had a movie marathon. We watched all three of the Bourne movies... Well they watched all 3 of the Bourne movies... I walked in 20 minutes to the end of the first one, slept through the second one, and left for the third one... Anyway... When I walked in late, there was no where to sit except by my friend Bill who was sitting in a love sack. I don't know how many of you have experienced a love sack, but you have to cuddle, otherwise it's just super uncomfortable for both of you. Anyway... Bill and I are sitting there all sorts of comfy like, and right when the movie ends and someone flips the lights on, my friend and current crush, looks over and gives us this dirty look. *warning: small tangent to follow* Here's the thing... He can do whatever he wants... flirt with whomever he wants, and everything, but I can't cuddle with a guy who means nothing to me? He knows that Bill and I are just friends. I don't understand... *End of tangent* Bill leaned over to me to tell me something he didn't want anyone else to hear and he pinched my side, so I let out a yelp and Jim makes some snide comment about the married people in the corner. So Bill gets up and leaves to sit by Jim. I wasn't done talking to Bill so I told him to come back so we could finish our conversation. Once again, we are on a love sack, so we are once again, cuddling. I was not paying attention to Jim because I was talking to Bill, and all of the sudden, Bill, chucks me into the couch and gets off the love sack and sits by Jim. When I asked him why he moved, he told me Jim was giving him dirty looks ever since I sat next to Bill. Well, now I'm intrigued... Later that night when I dropped Jim off, we sat talking in my car. (This has become a tradition... when the two of us get together, we just sit and talk for hours. It's one reason I like him. I can tell him anything.) My curiosity got the best of me so I asked him what the looks were for. He denied the entire thing. Dude, I have witnesses. More than just Bill and I. I shrugged it off as if nothing was wrong. mostly because I was secretly so happy that he was jealous. So... Sunday night we have dessert night and every time there was an opportunity for us to be alone and talk, he wouldn't take it. This is not usual behavior for him at all. Normally it's all about just the two of us. I was trying to ignore the constant pain I was feeling, but it wasn't working all that well. At about 2:30am, I decided I had better go home and go to bed because I had to wake up early in the morning. As I was walking out the door, he followed me and told me not to be mad at him. He has given me a very good reason to be mad, but I wasn't yet. At this point, I was too tired to really care. I asked him why I would be mad at him, and he wouldn't give me an answer. So I left... Slept... Woke up... Then realized what he meant. He knew he was being an idiot and totally unfair. So... to Jim, I give you this message... I give you until September 8th to figure out what in the expletive you want... at that point, I will be shooting a hole in the boat and watching it sink slowly into the abyss never to be heard from again. Mmmmmkay? Sorry everyone for my rant...

How quickly a life can change

Saturday night a friend and I went to Maceys to get some un-salted butter so I could make lemon squares for dessert night on Sunday. My friend was driving and I was sitting in the passenger seat telling her which way to go. She got onto Hwy 6 however, and then told me she didn't know where she was going. We were headed South on Hwy 6 and I told her to turn East when she got to Center St. The light had turned yellow when we went through it. As we were going through it, I saw headlights coming right for me and then I didn't see them anymore. I was turning to tell Manda that I couldn't believe we missed that, when I felt us jolt and start spinning. The sound was horrendous. I hit my head on the window and the next thing I remember is Manda asking me if I was OK. I couldn't answer her the 1st time for some reason, but when she asked me again, I told her yes and that my head hurt. I heard a man's voice from behind me ask if we were ok. When I turned to answer him, I noticed that the back end of the car was gone. The entire trunk was gone. He told us to call 911. While I was on the phone with 911 I realized that the truck and trailer that had hit us rolled down the ditch. After I got off the phone with 911, I got out of the car and tried to call my parents. After you call 911 they lock your phone so they can know exactly where you are. There is a way to unlock it; however, you need to be lucid to do so. You have to press * then #. I couldn’t comprehend this however. I kept pressing * and freaking out that it wasn’t working. All I wanted to do was call my parents to let them know I was OK. Then I saw that it told me to press # so I started pressing that and once again got very irritated that it didn’t work. Finally someone told me that I had to press one then the other after. I would like everyone to know that I was extremely calm until my mom answered the phone. At which point I totally lost it. I started bawling to the point my mom had to tell me to calm down because she couldn’t understand me. After I got off the phone, an EMT came up and noticed that I had my hand on my head and asked if I hurt it. I told her I hit it on the window and she took me into the ambulance to check it out for me. It was then that I found out that everyone was OK, even the horse. I was the one with the most injury. Just a small laceration on my head and that was it. Walking back to the car and looking at it, I realized that had he been moving any faster, or we been moving any slower and I would have been killed on impact. That thought alone is quite sobering. A friend and I were talking about it on Sunday. I asked him, “How would you have found out? How long do you think it would take to travel?” I only asked it because you don’t think about those things until it almost becomes a reality. 5 more feet. That’s all it would have taken and I wouldn’t be here right now. It makes you wonder, what would people say about the life you lived? What would people have said about the example I was to them, or lack there of? I’m not perfect and I realize that, but what would have been under the breaths of some? Something that I’m glad I have had the second chance to change. My new motto is Carpe Diem. I’ve already been living it, and I love it.

Institute

Yesterday was one of my "no good very bad days." It seemed like everything I did yesterday was wrong and I just couldn't win. I was not very happy and I really didn't want to do anything but cry. I got home and remembered that I needed to go to institute. I especially like going the week I teach because I feel like it brings the spirit in my class more. Sister Swan is the most intelligent people I have ever known. She knows everything there is to know about the gospel plus so much more. She reminds me of the dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding because she will just spout out were a word came from. I love her class so much. I look forward to going. However yesterday, I really didn't want to go. I was all sorts of upset about how my day went and I didn't want my anger and frustration to take away from the spirit in the class. Or if you would like the truth... I just wanted to be angry about my day! I wanted a reason to be mad. I didn't want to feel the spirit and learn. I just wanted to stew. However, I knew that a certain someone would be going to institute because I invited him. So I got dressed, debated on how to do my hair, fixed my makeup and left. I got there a little early, which was good because her class filled up really fast. It was a good thing for another reason too. I asked Sister Swan if she was going to be in church on Sunday. Sister Swan's husband is the High Counselor over our ward so they come to my ward. I love having her in my lesson's because if I say something that is incorrect, she is always very good about correcting me. Basically, I don't ever worry about teaching false doctrine. Anyway... She asked me what my lesson is on this week and as I started telling her it was on the Organization of the Priesthood, my eyes started welling up. I can't say now why I was crying. I'll try to figure it out to tell you. For now, I will go on with my story. I explained to her that I am TERRIFIED to teach this lesson. I could think of 20 gadgillion people who could teach this lesson SO much better than I ever could. Sister Swan gave me a hug and told me that everything would be alright. She told me, "You can do this. You are a great teacher and you will be fine." A girl sitting close by over heard the conversation and after Sister Swan left, she came to me and told me, "I've known Sister Swan for a long time. I know that she's telling the truth. You will be fine."

So remember how I was super angry about life in the beginning and how I just wanted everyone to leave me alone so I could stew over my anger? The lesson was on anger. How we need to recognize the first signs of anger, so we don't become angry. She told us when we become angry to ask ourselves 1 question. "Why am I angry?" Then when I find the reason, I need to stop it or find a solution. Now I know this task is going to be easier said than done. Mostly because I am EXTREMELY quick to anger. At the end of the lesson, I realized that I almost didn't go. Not only would I not have gone, but I wouldn't have learned a lesson that was 100% for me! I wouldn't have felt the comfort of friends. I would have just sat alone in my room and I would have been angry. I LOVE INSTITUTE!!!!! I can't even put into words how much I love it. My testimony grows so much every week from going. After the lesson, Sister Swan came up to me and told me I could go to her house anytime for material. I'm sure this woman has a whole library dedicated to the gospel. She is one of my very favorite people in this world. I love her and her lessons so much!

Lagoon+sunburn+no sleep+parade+movies+lots of fireworks=

My 4th of July weekend!!! It seriously was so much fun. I love the 4th anyway but this has to be on my top 10! Saturday I went to Lagoon with a couple of my friends and we had a blast. I got so sunburned though. Lucky for me it didn't hurt, I am still a bit red!! It is turning into quite the tan which makes me awfully happy!

My best friend in the whole world came home for a week and I finally got to see her the day before she left to go back. We watched the Stadium of Fire fireworks at the park by the hospital. I can't even tell you how much I miss her!!! I love when we are together. She is pregnant and I just love that little nugget already. Is it possible to love something inside of someone else? I think it is because I do. That baby just won the mom lottery!!

Sunday night a friend of mine slept on the street like hobo's to save us a spot for the parade on Monday morning. It was so loud due to the motorcycles who thought they were funny and rode up and down the street revving their engines and shining their lights on us. I finally fell asleep around 2:30-3:00am and woke up to Amanda telling me my car was being towed. I have never jumped up so fast. Don't you worry though, they were just using the Port-a-potties I was parked by. I finally fell back to sleep at about 6:30am and woke up to my alarm on my phone that tells me I'm going to be late for work. I call it my O.S. alarm. I stayed up and put out all of our blankets. I'm just sayin' that people get all sorts of fiesty about spots at a parade. Holy cow!! There was all sorts of drama.

After I got home from the parade at noon, I went right to bed. My nephews woke me up around 4:30pm and I will admit I was not too happy about being woken up. I set my alarm to wake me up at 5:30pm so I slept for another half hour and couldn't sleep anymore. I got up and got ready for the day and Amanda and I went to Walmart and got movie treats then went to a friends house for a movie night. We watched Taken and I forgot how violent that movie is. Some of those hits gave me a headache. After the movie we did some fireworks and it amazes me how excited I get during fireworks. I love them. They bring so much joy to me.  We watched another movie and as it got over I looked at my phone and it was almose 1:30am. I couldn't believe it. I was going to have another night of no sleep!! It was totally worth it. I loved this weekend! It was so great! I love July!!!!!!!

Tired, so tired

I've been staying up really late the past couple of weeks and I'm sure it's just now taking it's toll. It's super weird though. It's really hard for me to wake up in the morning. Lately I've been waking up at about 7:20 to get to work in Provo at 8:00. Once I'm at work, I finish all of the morning stuff by about 9:15 then I crash hard. Currently I am having the hardest time staying awake. However, at 5:00pm I perk right up. I haven't been drinking caffeine so that isn't it. I think it's just that my body knows that I can sleep now, but it wont allow it. So, I'll go home and shower then go out for the night. I've lately been getting home around 11:30-12:00. But my brain doesn't fall asleep until around 2:00. Which is why I've been so tired lately. I keep telling myself that I'll get some sleep tonight, but it never works out. The really crazy thing is that once a week I'll fall asleep at about 9:00 and my body thinks that I've completely caught up on sleep. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am so tired!!!!!

Anna shy? Since when?

OK, story time... Gather round. I am never shy. I talk to pretty much everyone all the time. I have never been shy. Why am I shy now? Do you think someone is trying to tell me something? Maybe I need to shut my mouth every once in a while? I don't know what's going on with me. OK I do. Here's the story...

There is a guy in my ward who is freak awesome. Really cute, super nice to everyone, and honestly (I know it sounds lame but...) he's perfect. Not kidding you. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. I have a serious crush on the kid. I studder when I go to talk to him. I invited him to come to dinner with a group of us after FHE and he couldn't. Normally I wouldn't let it go, but I just didn't have anything to say to him. I felt like such an idiot which is really nothing new, but non-the-less... I am just really shy around him. I can't even make eye contact. He did give me a hug tonight after he told me he couldn't go and I thought I was going to break out into a serious giggle fit. Lucky for me I supressed the giggles until I was out of earshot from him. I am such an embarrassment!!! How do I break this crazy streak of awkwardness?

Anger and Frusteration

Why would someone go through another person's drawer at work. Not only go through, but take $4 out of it plus the change in an envelope? I know everyone I work with very well; I'm positive it wasn't any of them. I keep my drawer very organized. Everything has it's place. I opened it this morning and everything was disheveled as if someone was looking for more money on top of the money they had already found in my drawer. True it was only $4. It could have been a lot more, but it's the principle behind the matter. Why would you go through someone's drawers looking for money. Especially at your place of employment. I'm sure it was one of our cleaning people. The odd thing is that it was my drawer. No one else's had been touched. I suppose I just needed a moment to vent about my situation although I know it will not change anything. I am done now and I am trying really hard to remain calm. I suppose this is probably what happened the first time when people decided it would be a good thing to start locking their doors. It started off with $4 and a little change.