It's been awhile!

I've kind of been wallowing in my own self pity lately, so I really haven't been in the mood to write, slash,  who really wants to read depressing blog updates, right? So, here's the depressing stuff in a nut shell, and I'll tell you the happy in more detail!

As all of you who read my blog know, my best friend left last month and I miss him like crazy EVERY SINGLE DAY! I am literally saving my pennies so I can go see him ASAP! -There's my depressing-

On a super happy note… I got a car. It's a '98 Honda Accord and I am so very in love with it. My parents are super amazing and saw my need for a car so they bought it and I'm paying them back for it. I love this car! I love this car!!

Also on the happy scale! My job is going well. I'm finally starting to get into the swing of things. I get to wear jeans to work, which really makes me happy, plus the people I work with are amazing! Plus I'm getting money to pay for my car! That makes me super happy!!

I ain't missin' you...

WARNING… This post is going to be a depressing one with a happy ending… This morning before church, John and I said goodbye and I went off to church because I had to teach, and he started the drive to California. Last time we said goodbye, I cried like a baby, so I was kind of prepared. I woke up early and made him some lemon bars and a mix CD for the road, which is freaking AWESOME!! I'm listening to it right now as I wallow in self pity. ;) Here's why this is so difficult for me. John and I talk about EVERYTHING. We don't really have barriers with each other. I don't have anyone else like that in my life. It's really hard for me to say goodbye to that. I know that this is all new age and stuff, and I can talk to him online and over the phone and stuff, but it just isn't the same thing. I can't see his facial expressions and he can't see mine. He can still tell when I'm holding something back, but I can't tell when he's holding something back. Lately my John radar has been off anyway and I contribute that to the fact that he's not here. We can still pretty much have conversations just by looking at each other, but it was a bit harder for me. I miss this kid like crazy. He believes in me, which makes it easier for me to believe in myself. He knows just what to say to make me laugh super hard. He can embarrass me, which is hard because I just don't get embarrassed.
I can/cannot wait to meet the amazing woman he will marry. She is going to have to be amazing because he deserves nothing less than that. I miss him like crazy!!

On a happier note… I got a job this week. I'm a receptionist for a company called Horizon Property Management. HOORAY!!!

Man I've missed this kid!

My best friend joined the military early this year and went into basic while I was living in Georgia. Now that I'm home, things just aren't the same without him around. He got to come home for the holidays and I've been so excited that I haven't slept for FIVE days!

Perhaps I'm weird but bear with me a bit… I have missed him so much, but I think I forgot what it was about him I was missing. Does that make sense? For instance, today at lunch he would say something and I would suddenly realize that the something that he said was something that I missed. I miss that we can have entire conversations just by looking at each other. I miss having someone around who knows me so well. There are so many things I could say I miss, but my fingers are freezing and it's taken me about 20 minutes to get thus far because I have to keep warming my fingers every other word. So… This is a short post it's true, but I'm freezing. I just wanted to express how much I have missed him and how freaking happy I am that he is home for the holidays!

Bugs

I don't know why, but when people post on Facebook or any public something how much weight they've lost, or just when they tell me, it makes me super annoyed. I don't know if it's because I'm jealous or what... I'm sure I just don't know, but sometimes it makes me want to punch them in the face. It really bugs me though when they're skinny minnies and tell me they have 20 more pounds to lose. I hate it. I also hate when people post their diets and workout plans. Really? who cares? I don't care that you ate a completely sugar free meal. I do not care! I'm sorry for my ranting. There is a point, I promise! Here it is… The fam is starting yet ANOTHER diet plan. I decided yesterday morning that I need to see where I'm at so I can see what kind of goal I need to make. When I weighed myself, I was sure the scale was broken. I walked into my mom's room and asked her how accurate her scale is. She told me it's right on with her Dr.'s scale. I am super happy to say that I've lost 40 pounds since the last time I weighed myself which was right before I decided to do P90X (That lasted 4-ish days)
I've never been one to get the diet and exercise bug. In fact as soon as I start something new, I lose weight like crazy, then I see that and think, "Oh, I need a reward for that great effort!" Or, "I've been doing really well lately, I can take a day off." Unfortunately/Fortunately (This is a win/lose situation) This weight loss is not due to a diet and exercise program. It is due to the fact that stress does my body good! I have been so stressed lately about not having a job, needing a job, and wondering how I'm going to buy Christmas presents this year. I have been so blessed with miracle after miracle. When I came home, I had enough money to last me 3 months without a job. (All I had to pay for was my phone bill, so I still really didn't have a lot.) However random things would pop up here and there that would give me a little extra cash. Whether it was a job around the house someone wouldn't want to do, jury duty, or a 2 day job working for Time Out for Women. You would think with all these miracles going on around me that I would be less stressed out, but my brain doesn't work that way. My migraines have come back for a reunion tour. I get about 2 a week. I have ginormous knots in my neck and back which are causing my migraines. With a migraine comes nausea, with nausea comes loss of appetite, and with loss of appetite comes weight loss. (This post took quite the turn. I wasn't expecting to get into this.) I don't sleep. I just lay in my bed until 5:20am and then wake up 2 hours later when everyone else in the fam wakes up, which I'm sure is another cause for my migraines. I am going crazy!  I NEED A JOB!
For those of you wondering, this post wasn't going to be a serious one, but apparently my non-serious bone is still sleeping. :)

The week of Thanks

So last week is a bit of a blur. I'll try and tell all exactly as it happened, but I'm not sure I can do that. It may have helped if I had written the blog at the beginning of this week, but I'm not one to take the easy way out.

Sunday the 20th I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament meeting for the 27th. I also had to give a lesson in my Gospel Principles class. Which PS I LOVE teaching. I feel like I have grown so much and learned a ton from teaching that class. The talk I had to give was on humility and my lesson was on missionary work. I decided I like teaching a lot more than giving a talk because I can ask questions and get feedback. However, I really feel like my talk went well. It took me five days to prepare and I was SUPER stressed about it, but it's over now so I can breathe. Thursday of course was Thanksgiving and it was amazing. I made cranberry sauce for the first time. For as long as I can remember we've never had cranberry sauce in our Thanksgiving meal, and I wanted to try it. I like it. I like it a lot in fact.

Every Sunday a group of my friends holds dessert night. It's just a bunch of us getting together to play games. I have so much fun. I make dessert… hence the name of dessert night. However I didn't on Sunday because I got to talk to my best friend in the entire world, and I decided that was much more important since I don't get to talk to him very often and I treasure the moments I get to talk to him. A few people told me we can't call it dessert night if I don't make dessert for them. We'll have to come up with a new name. Lucky for them… and me… some other people brought some food.  I schooled the guys in a good game of Mario Kart. PS thank you to my friend Austin who vouched for my amazing skills during Mario Kart. The guys thought I would lose because I'm a girl. Their words. Not mine. Actually I asked if that was the reason and they said it was, so technically my words, but I spoke truth.

This week… Monday we didn't have FHE so a group of us went to a friends house and watched Captain America. It was amazing. I am super excited for The Avengers to come out. SUPER excited about it.

Tuesday, I watched White Christmas with the parents while sitting next to the warm fire. I love that movie. It always puts me right into the Christmas spirit. I'm super excited for Christmas.

Wednesday I had institute, which I love because a) it gets me out of the house, and b) it's always spiritually uplifting.

Still trying to find a job and I'm going a bit crazy, but I have hope! I pray my guts out before every interview, but nothing has stuck yet.

Well, until next time!

Answers

About a month ago someone in my ward gave a talk on receiving answers to our prayers. She said often times we receive answers to our prayers when we least expect them. Well, on Sunday I was sitting during the sacrament and I was praying my little heart out. As soon as the talks started, I knew it was going to be one of THOSE Sundays. You know the ones where you get 5,000 answers all at once and all of them are to BE PATIENT. I tell you what, I have never been one to enjoy the virtue of patience. I am the type of person, if I'm giving someone a ride and they are going to make me late, I will leave them. I used to tell my roommates that if they wanted a ride to church with me, they had to be ready at a certain time, because I do not wait.  I think telling someone to have patience is a nice way of saying settle down and stop whining at me. Well, that night, I went to our dessert night, and I started talking to my friends about my concerns and my sacrament meeting full of, "Anna be patient." I had this blinding flash of the obvious… I am a control freak. I hate not being in control. I hate having to depend on other people for anything. As I shared this with my friends, one of them said, "Yes, but you have to realize who you are having to depend on." I guess I didn't think of that. Which is stupid because of how obvious it is to me. It's not like having to depend on someone who has never come through for me. I am depending on the one person who has never let me down. The one person I am always able to count on. The one person who knows me better than I could ever know myself. It doesn't mean that this patience thing is easy. It doesn't mean that I'm going to like giving up my control, but it does mean that I am going to try as hard as I can to just be patient. He knows what He's doing. He knows what I need to do in order to find true happiness. I just wish He would hurry up and get me there. The funny thing is, that I had a 7 year plan. I was going to go to culinary school, which depending where I go is 2-3 years. Then I will have my restaurant for 3-4 years again depending on the school. That is 3-4 years I will have of being a workaholic and I wont be MIA from my family. So when I am 32 years old, I can start my family. I was all sorts of excited about my 7 year plan up until a couple weeks ago. Now, I just have to put my trust in my Father in Heaven because He knows what is best for me. It shouldn't be as hard as it is, but I'm trying as hard as I can.

What am I going to do with my -

One of my really good friends passed away yesterday from complications after his airplane crashed. Jared Despain was one of the kindest people I have ever met. He would drop everything to help a friend in need. I met him when I was living in the Nisson Towers at Dixie State College. He was one of the first people to befriend me. We would sit up and watch movies all night, or just sit and talk. He was one of the greatest people. He had the greatest sense of humor. He will most definitely be missed!

It made me think of a year ago when I read a poem entitled, "What will you do with your dash?"


I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone.
From the beginning ……… to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
(1934-1998)

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth….
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars… the house… the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…
Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile…
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read
With your life’s actions to rehash…
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?


There were so many people who loved Jared because of how willing he was to serve. I hope that one day I can be like him in that way. My life is most definitely better having known him.