Almost 1 year

Can you believe it was almost 1 year ago? This isn't the actual car I was in. In fact the guy hit us a little bit further back than that, but only by about 2 inches.

As I have been thinking about that day, I constantly remember just a couple weeks before the accident. I was in the car with my best friend and we were driving from my house to his which isn't even a mile and the speed limit is only 25mph. I refused to put my seatbelt on because we weren't going that far. He stopped in the middle of the road and said to me, "Anna, yours is a life worth saving." Needless to say, I clicked it. I still wont admit that it was his words that made me do it. It was definitely the car coming up behind us that made me do it.

2 weeks after that I was in the Macey's Grocery store parking lot and I made a VERY conscious decision to NOT put my seatbelt on. I can still hear the voice in my head telling me I needed to put my seat belt on and I stupidly ignored it. My friend who was driving didn't even know I wasn't wearing it. She told the police I had it on. Still to this day I can't believe I walked away with a just a bump on my head. I should have been thrown through the windshield. I still cry when I wonder what my roll is on this earth. Why was I kept alive when I clearly shouldn't have been? What am I supposed to be doing? I am positive this is not a day I will ever forget.

What I learned today...

I didn't go to church today because when it was time for me to get up I had only had 2 hours of sleep and I could barely open my eyes to turn my alarm clock off. So, I slept. When I woke up I took a shower, I'm sure everyone who lives here will be thankful for that. :) I made some banana bread, then I decided I needed some uplifting. So, here's what I learned today.

Did you know that you can type LDS into itunes store and there are TONS of free podcasts you can download? Currently I'm listening to the priesthood session of April 2009. This podcast has all conference sessions from April '04 to April '11. It includes YW sessions, Relief Society sessions, Priesthood sessions, and General sessions. I love it. Best learning day ever! I know that it doesn't  compare to being able to go to church and take the sacrament, but it will have to do for the week. My week is always a ton harder if I don't get to church to partake of the sacrament and my mood changes. I'm really sad that I wasn't able to go, but that is one good thing about the church... I can do it next week. It's just getting through this week.

2 Steps Away

This video is from So You Think You Can Dance in '09. It is about overcoming fear. I love it. I think it is such an amazing dance so I wanted to share it. 

The Most Beautiful Heart

When I was at girls camp one year our leaders read us This Story and then gave each of us pieced together hearts. I don't know what started it, or what made us think of it, but after we were done my best friend Holly and I each took one of the pieces and traded. I don't know why, but I think of that day a lot. The two of us will always be there for each other. Even if we haven't talked for whatever reason. She is one of my very favorite people in the entire world and I am so glad we exchanged "heart pieces" that day!

4:00am post

I can't sleep because I have 10 gagillion things on my mind.

This is a really dumb thing to be thinking about at 4:00am but... have you ever done something really stupid and no matter how long ago it was, you still feel super dumb having done it? That's why I can't sleep. It was in November. Something I'm sure the person with me doesn't even remember, but I still feel SUPER STUPID. Does this happen to anyone else? You know that feeling you get too? Like you can't really breathe? I don't even know why I thought of it randomly. It's not something that is always on my mind. I don't know!! I sure wish I could just forget it and fall asleep.

On a side note, I've been contemplating lately about moving back home from Georgia. I'm sure that most of you can tell that I miss my family terribly and want nothing more than to be with them. I have really been thinking a lot about my little niece Audrey and how much I love that girl. When I went home in March Jaime asked me to pick the kids up from school. When SJ walked out he looked around to see if anyone was watching him, then he quickly gave me a side hug so no one would see him. He's already too cool for school. Audrey came out and as soon as she saw me she started running to me and jumped on me and wrapped her legs around me and just hugged me for like 30 seconds. I miss that little girls so stinking much! She then asked me not to go back to Georgia.

I've been thinking a lot about why I came... Mostly because people have been asking me a lot. I think I figured it out. I think my reason was to help me be a better person. In the 6 months I've been here, a lot has happened. I discovered a lot about myself. I've learned that I have the most amazing family in the world and I took that for granted. They are so willing to help me anyway they can. Mostly, I made the decision to go through the temple. I still remember the phone call I made to my dad that day. I don't think I'll ever forget what he said to me. I had just told him that I decided it was the right thing for me to do and he said, "I was going to call you today and tell you that the decisions you make today will effect the rest of your life." No one knew that I had been prayerfully considering going through the temple. I hope I remember the day I went the rest of my life. I will never forget how nervous I was. Mostly I hope to never forget the overwhelming amount of love I felt. Almost all of my family was able to make it. It was the best day I have ever had. I don't think I would have made the decision if I was still at home. Or if I had, I don't think it would have been for the same reasons. I am grateful that I have learned so much.

OH... I also learned that if my phone is dying I need to call or text someone to tell them that my phone is dying and approximately what time I'll be home. Otherwise, I get grounded. Sorry.

The Fam...

OK... I admit it. I'm a baby. I miss my family so much that it pains me! Since I got to Georgia I've been debating on if this was the right move. When I put my pros and cons on paper my number one con is always the same. I miss my family like crazy! When I went home in March for the Lady GaGa concert I was super lucky to have some of my plans with my friends fall through so I got to spend time with my mom and my sisters. I also went through the temple while I was home so I got to have most of my family with me. I have the worlds best family. I know that no matter what all of them will be there for me and with me when I need them to be. Although my temple date was set, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go due to scheduling conflicts I had with my branch president and my stake president here. I was extremely lucky because every member of my family in Utah was there with me. I honestly can't think of a better day. Yes that day trumps the Chris Farley foundation for sure. :) I was so overwhelmed by all of the love. I know my family loves me but that day they were all at the temple for me. I couldn't have asked for a better trip to the temple. I often wonder if while I was in Heaven if I begged and pleaded to be placed in this amazing family. If I looked at this family with two amazing parents and six amazing siblings and said, "Please, can I just be with them? I will have seven of the best examples in the world. They will teach me and be patient with me as I make my own mistakes. Please send me with them?" Although I still kind of complain about the time my Uncle Jim tried to compare me to my sister Christy. "You know, Anna, when Christy was your age, she was just coming home from her mission. She didn't have blue hair." Thank you Uncle Jim, I will keep that in mind. And even though while I was growing up, I never brought my guy friends home because they would all fall in love with my sister Andrea, and I'll admit, I hated her for it. She is one of my very best friends now. Although Josh knows exactly what to say to make me cry, I know it's not on purpose. Whether he's asking me about my car accident that I 100% should not have lived through and I walked away with a bump on my head, or if he's asking me how work is going after I got fired. He can also make me laugh. The man does know his way through Salt Lake so when I get lost, he is always there to guide me to where I need to be. Joe knows his way around Columbus so when I get lost while on a delivery, he's always there to help me as well. Even though he loves to make fun of me for the stupid things I do and say. Melissa is always there when I need a friend. Jaime is always there when I need a break from everything. Then there are my AMAZING parents. There are no two people who will ever measure up to the greatness of these two people. They have taught me so much. I love them immensely. I must admit, hands down, I have the best family of all time and I miss them terribly. What I wouldn't give to have the best of both worlds.

My mom

When I was living in Provo UT, I was about to move back to Mapleton with my family. If I remember right, I think I had a week left in my apartment and no money to pay for gas so I hadn't been home to see my family in about a mont or so. One day I was sitting at my desk at work when I was working at the clinic and I started thinking about my mom and I started crying. Upon further analysis I realized that I missed her. I was living 20 minutes away from her during rush hour, and I missed her. I quickly realized that I needed to call her. I'm not exactly the type of person who can call just to say "I miss you." I need to have a reason. As the phone was ringing I was quickly going through my brain thinking, "What is my reason for calling her?" I heard her say, "Hello?" and I replied with, "Hey mom. I was just wondering, where are we going to put my garbage can when I get home? It will be too big for my room, and you already have one in the kitchen." The garbage can? REALLY?!?!? She sweetly informed me that we would figure it out and our conversation ended.

Now living in Georgia, which according to Mapquest is 30-32 hours depending on the route you take, I cannot express to you how much I miss this woman. She is my hero. She has always been there when I needed someone to talk to. She also always knew when I needed someone to talk to. She is hilarious. I love spending time with her. I remember when I was sick and she would play with my hair. She was the best at that. She taught me that if I want to have a black woman down deep inside, I can have a black woman down deep inside. She taught me, if ever I'm in need of an answer to anything, I can always find it in the scriptures and she could tell me which ones to look through. She is the best person I know. If I turn out to be half the person that she is I'll be pretty amazing! I love her so much.

I think my niece or one of my nephews took this picture and caught her off guard, but none the less, she is my mom and I couldn't ask for a better person to raise me!