This is a picture of my "little brother" and myself the day of his missionary farewell. I have finally pinpointed one reason I've been so depressed lately. Caleb is my cousin and he's been my best friend since before my sophomore year of high school and we would drop everything any time one of us needed the other. We chat every Wednesday via very quick e-mails and about 2 weeks ago I asked him if, by reading my e-mails from the past month or so, he knew why I was feeling the way I was. He asked me if I had been reading my scriptures and praying as often as I was a year ago. I laughed at him and told him that the question he had asked was a mom question. I asked him if he was going to give me a scripture reference. I guess that's my defense mechanism to joke around and change the subject as quickly as it had been brought up. Before he brought it up, I just thought that my depression had been brought on by loneliness, which in part, I still believe that is part of my depression, but it's not the major part of it. So my new goal, thanks to Caleb is to read and pray as often as I was when I was truly happy!!

On another note, Possibly connected with my depression... I have been quite the scrooge this Christmas season. My family turned on the Christmas music in November. I don't normally listen to Christmas music until December, or if I'm really feeling in the  mood I'll listen to Christmas music maybe once in a different month, but not very often. It usually has to be in December. While normally I don't mind if someone wants to start their Christmas music a little early, this year it would make me super angry. I would just go sit in my room and sulk because of Christmas music. It was a little odd for me. I usually love the Christmas season, but not this year. I didn't listen to Christmas music until Christmas day because it would just irritate me. I am a little weird. I'll even be the first to admit it.

This weird-o funk has had some good things come of it as well. One of my best friends from high school and I haven't really been that great of friends lately. In fact both of us had decided that we would never be friends again. On one of my really low days, I called her to see if we could just talk and we realized that the fight we had, was stupid and we are working on being friends again. It actually has been very nice. I realized how much I missed her. So, I suppose that it's been a good month in a way as well.